The Top 12 Office Uses for Breast Implants

Susan Anderson & Samantha Johnson

by Susan Anderson & Samantha Johnson | August 8, 2012 @ 08:00AM

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When you work with and around cosmetic surgeons, you get your hands on the most unlikely things. This week we unearthed an old box of assorted breast implants, and they quickly gained popularity. These ‘funbags’ lived up to their name and inspired a lengthy list of unconventional uses for the saline tatas. 


1. Wrist Rest:

Typing for eight hours a day can really put some stress on that carpal tunnel. Stave off the pain with these handy-dandy wrist breasts. Er, rests.

2. Head Rest:

Did you know the average head weighs about 8 pounds? Take a load off with an 800cc implant.

3. Paperweight:

Were you the lucky employee that got a cubicle directly below the air conditioning vent? Never fear. No wind storm stands a chance with this perfect paperweight.

4. Stressball:

Is that inbox filling up quicker than you can handle? Squeeze out the stress with these little implants.  - They can take it.                    











5. Tushy cushion:

Sitting for hours on end (no pun intended) can put a real strain on your bum. These implants are sure to provide an outstanding level of comfort. Limit 2 - One for each cheek.


6. Telephone shoulder rest:

Why use a hard shoulder rest attachment when you can cradle a soft, squishy breast in your neck!















7. Bookends:

Breast implants are supportive on so many levels.

8. Pillow:

As the song goes, "Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow." It's true.


9. Ice Pack:

We put this implant in the freezer, but it refused to freeze. So if you ever climb atop Mount Everest or get trapped under snow in an avalanche, you can rest assured these bad boys will save your tatas from frostbite.              














10. Doorstop/Door bumper:

Has chivalry died at your office? Implants make the perfect door opener for ladies and gents alike.
















11. Hacky-sack:

Use a small implant to perfect your mad hacky-sack skillz.

12. Cornhole:

Time for a break? Play a game of cornhole!

Other uses for implants big and small include:  hot pad, lint roller (Implants are great for collecting fuzz!), ear muffs, free weights and a Secret Santa gift.  

Feeling inventive? Get in on the fun by adding your own uses for these artificial melons in the comments below.

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